Ugliest Side of Possibility
by Lennon Jane
Summary: AU - Bella leaves Edward. What happens when he finds her again, but she isn't quite the same. Can he accept her now that she accepts herself? Can she accept him now that she is different?
1. Chapter 1

"I'm done. I can't do this anymore." I felt the tears fall as I desperately looked anywhere other than Edward's face.

"What? What do you mean?" He seemed to be genuinely confused. I was so frustrated because the reasons were the same ones I had been talking to him about for the past 3 months. "Bella, If this is about what happened back there, I'm really sorry." He stepped towards me and tried to pull me into a hug. I took a giant step backwards, successfully moving out of range of his arms.

"I'm done waiting for the perfect time. I'm done waiting for you to decide that it's okay for everyone to know about us. I understand your reasons for keeping me hidden, but they aren't good enough any more." I rubbed my damp palms on my gold silk dress. I had done so much, and having to end it was killing me inside. I took a deep breath and sighed. My tears were dropping on the fabric of my dress. I glanced up at his face and it had gone from confused to fury.

"What do you want me to say? I fucking want you to have your face plastered all over the tabloids? I am trying to protect you for god's sake! Why can't you just fucking accept that and stop acting like I am doing something terrible?" his hands were ripping through his hair. I saw the anger and frustration brimming up and over his eyes. Part of me wanted to go up to him and kiss all those tears away and apologize to him. Only I couldn't. I couldn't do it. Not again. Not any more.

"I don't need you to say anything." I picked up my clutch and walked right past him and out of room.

xxx

That was three years ago. It feels like it happened yesterday. I had immediately moved out of the apartment he had gotten for me in the city. I only packed the things I had purchased myself and threw everything in my truck and headed back to Washington. New York was never where I belonged. I broke down and cried more than I have ever cried before. I couldn't regret the decision I had made, but I also couldn't deny that it shook me to the core. The one person I had always relied on was gone, and it was my fault. It was my choice to leave, but he didn't stop me either. I only spoke to him once. Telling him I was moving out and back to Washington was harder than anything I had ever had to do. He tried to apologize and strike a compromise, but I refused. I wouldn't compromise on my feelings for him. It was all or nothing and I wasn't going to accept feeling that way again. That feeling of being second in line for love was not going to be a part of my life anymore. Being 19 made everything seem so much harder. I had given up so much, but I wouldn't give any more up.

I lived at home with my father, Charlie, for a year before I realized it was the worst place I could have gone. I moved to Seattle to attend college. Seattle was where I fit. I didn't feel second best, I felt like I was the best I could be. I quickly made friends, one being Alice, my roommate. With her short, pixie hair cut and love of all things fashion related, we got along better than anyone expected. I would probably have fit in extremely well when Seattle was the grunge capital. I was always shuffling around in some jeans with holes in the knees, a part of scuffed converse and a t-shirt. I was so low-maintence, it made Alice look like she was royalty or something. But there was a level of comfort there I hadn't felt before.

"Alice! Where are my favorite jeans?" I was tearing through the random piles of clothes that littered my floor.

"I don't know! I hope they walked to the garbage on their own!" she yelled from her room. I scowled in her direction, then I found them under my bed and slipped them on. I grabbed my shoes and shoved my feet into them and grabbed my bag. I went down the hall and poked my head into her room.

"Hey. I am leaving for dance. You gonna have my costume ready when I get home?" I smiled at her and glanced down at the black tulle and pleather. She loved it when she got to make me costumes for dance. It helped that she was absolutely amazing at what she did.

"Absolutely. Now if I could only get you into a pair of heels." she smirked at me and then went back to sewing.

"You are the best!" I called as I headed out of the apartment. Dance had become one of my favorite ways to relax and deal with stress. Charlie had laughed when I said I was going to try it out. I was notorious for my clumsy tendencies. Renee, my mother, had tried me in ballet when I was little and it had been a disaster. This time around, I felt every movement. And it felt right.

I got into my car and made my way to the studio. I was working on a piece for the department's spring recital. It had been a long process because it was my first solo piece to perform. I couldn't wait, but I was so scared. I parked and walked into the building.

"Hey! Bella!" I recognized the voice immediately. Jacob. He was another dancer that was involved in the recital. We were performing a duet and it was one of my favorites. He was just such a fabulous guy, and one of the only straight ones in the whole department.

"Hey, Jake. What are you up to?" I asked as we headed towards the changing rooms. I was anxious to get to work, but Jake was important so I slowed down.

"I'm working with Lola on a new piece she is creating." he swirled his hands through the air, mimicking Lola's extravagant hand gestures. I smiled. "What are you up to?"

"Just running through my solo piece for tomorrow with Jay. He's gotta make sure it's perfect." I rolled my eyes, but I adored Jay. There were many times that I had broken down during rehearsals and he knew when to push me through and when to let me be.

"Well, with you dancing it, I am sure it will be." he smiled and kissed my temple. "Well, I gotta go. Don't wanna keep Queen Lola waiting!" he smiled at me then ran down the hallway.

I quickly changed into my shorts and tank top. I was sort of terrified of this final rehearsal. I knew I would need to connect to it emotionally more than ever and I didn't know if I could do it without a massive breakdown. I took a deep breath and headed to the rehearsal room Jay had reserved. He was stretching in a corner when he spotted me.

"Hey there Izza. You ready to get to work?" I sighed.

"If I get it perfect the first time, I'd like not to over practice it." he smiled and nodded. He headed over to the stereo as I stretched out. I shook my body out and stood silently in the middle of the room.

I smiled at the sight of my barefeet on the hardwood floor. It was a perfect feeling. The first chords of the song floating through the speakers an my body moved all by itself. I felt each and every emotion flow through my limbs as the song shifted and changed. Each turn, each spin felt like I was doing it for the first time. My hair was brushing against my face and I could feel my face turning hot. All of a sudden, I saw his face. His striking auburn hair, shooting in every direction. I kept moving, pushing out the anger and love that was tangled in with his face. I could feel my chest tightening and my breaths becoming heavier and heavier. His green eyes were staring at me, filled with anger. I pushed, I pulled, I just needed to get away. It was consuming me to the point that I barely realized that the song had ended. I had tears in my eyes and I was breathing so heavy that I dropped to the floor and put my head between my knees. I glanced up and Jay just nodded and left me alone in the room.

I was terrified. I was dressed in my costume, courtesy of Alice. The flowing material was black and gauzy. My body looked at its best. The bodice clung to my skin in all the right places. Jake and I had already done our piece and it had been wonderful. It had been before the intermission so I had extra time to freak out. Jay had forced whoever was arranging the program to put me last. I hated and loved him for it. I usually loved to be first, you know, get it out of the way early. Instead, I was waiting for everyone to finish. I was having something that I could place between a panic attack and full blown heartattack. Jay came up behind me and rubbed my shoulders.

"You're going to be fabulous. You're on after Lauren, Rachelle and Vicky. They just went on." I could hear their music booming through the auditorium. Jay remained rubbing my shoulders and I warmed up a bit more. I knew Alice and Jasper were out there and they would be the loudest people out there. Jay left to check on my music and Jessica sidled up next to me.

"You know. Some famous actors are here from California. Said they are looking for dancers for a new film." I knew she was just trying to get under my skin. Jessica hated that most of the guys in the department loved me. Probably because I wasn't a stuck up bitch like her. I didn't even give her a second glance as I headed towards the wings. I saw the three girls hit their final poses and the curtain dropped. They rushed off and I walked to the middle of the floor to my beginning pose. I calmed my nerves.

"Next up. We have Miss Isabella Swan, performing a contemporary piece." I heard his feet striking the floor as the curtain rose. The bright lights were always brighter than I expected. The music started and I was gone. My body went to autopilot. I felt everything, and everything was filled with emotion, I just was so in the moment that I couldn't process anything. The music stopped and I took a deep breath. I glanced up from the floor and connected with a familiar pair of green eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

I flew from the stage to the dressing area. Everyone else was participating in the final bows so I took the time to collect myself. _Why is he here? Why would he be here? Did he recognize me?_ I swiftly changed out of my costume and into my dress for the reception. I didn't even know if I wanted to go anymore. _What if he is there? _A hand settled on my shoulder and I jumped up, startled. Alice smiled shyly at me. The smile disappeared when she got a good look at my face.

"Oh my, Bells... what is wrong?" she reached up a hand and brushed the tears I hadn't even realized were falling, away. I hadn't wanted to ever have this conversation with her. I needed to be honest with her, for once.

"Why don't you take care of my hair and I'll explain as we go?" I asked tenatively.

"Of course." she grabbed a brush from the pile of junk on the table and started brushing.

"You heard that Edward Cullen was in the audience tonight?"

"Yeah, he is gorgeous. That isn't why you are crying, is it? You were beautiful and great tonight. You don't need to be embara--"

"I wasn't embarassed. Well, I was, but not for why you are thinking." she looked at me through the mirror with a quizzical expression.

"Remember how I told you about that boyfriend I had when I was 19?""Yeah. What about him?" she was lost in focus on getting the snarls out of my hair.

"Him and Edward Cullen..." I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, "are one in the same." I felt the brush stop. I didn't want to open my eyes and look at her. I didn't want to see what emotion was plastered on her face. I had never told anyone that before, not even my mother. And then Alice surprised me, as she always does.

"That fucking asshole. I should rip his dick off and shove it down his throat." Her eyes burned with fury. I let out a nervous laugh.

"I'm sure that won't be necessary, Al. I just was startled is all." Liar. I was a liar. I was beyond startled. I wanted to jump down into the audience and punch him then kiss him then rip his head off. I was in complete emotional turmoil. Luckily, I was used to it. I slid into my face of indifference.

"Are you sure you want to go to the reception? I heard he is here with his brother, a couple leggy blondes and some casting director. If you don't want to go, Jazz and I can whisk you away. We don't have white horses but I could have Jazz loan me his Prince Charming costume." she smiled at me as she brushed my hair into a low side ponytail. I laughed at the sight of her dressed up as a prince.

"No. There isn't any reason for that. It was a long time ago. Like I said, I was just startled." I tried to scrub off some makeup but realized without a nice dose of hot water, it wasn't going anywhere. I sighed and dragged my shoes from my bag. Silver Chuck Taylors. If I was nothing else, I was supremely classy.

"GAH!" then I knew Alice had caught sight of my footwear. "Can't you ever dress completely like a girl?"

xxx

Alice held my hand as we walked into the reception. I immediately caught sight of Edward's bronze tuft of hair over the heads of everyone. I also saw the tall blonde whose hands were all over him. I felt my stomach tighten and I honestly thought I was going to pass out. Alice laced her fingers tightly between mine and gave me a quick squeeze. She leaned over and whispered in my ear.

"When you want to escape, pull on your ear. I'll swoop in and save you." she smiled. We were immediately surrounded by people telling me how they loved my pieces and how beautiful I looked. Alice slid away to sit with Jasper at the bar. After 15 minutes of mindless chatter, I was rescued. I felt a strong arm around my waist.

"Hey there Izza, you want to go to the rehearsal room and show me how flexible you are?" Jake tried to whisper seductively but failed. Miserably.

"Oh yes, Jake. I know how you love mirrors. You'd die if you couldn't look at yourself." I smirked at him and he pulled me towards an empty table. We sat down and he looked at me strangely then began rambling, like he always did.

"So, did you hear that there was a casting director here tonight?" he mindless fiddled with the ends of my hair. I shook my head. _Liar_. "I heard he is casting for a new film. Apparently, that Cullen asshole is in it. I don't know why he would want to be here to look at dancers at a college recital. But I was talking to Jay and Lola before the reception and apparently they liked both of us. And Jessica. Which is unfortunate." he smiled at me. Then he kept talking, but all I could focus on was the bronze hair that was skirting through the crowd. My revelry was interrupted by Jay tapping me on the shoulder.

"Bella. There are some people I want you to meet." he gripped me by the elbow and lead me into the crowd. I didn't even realize where we were going until I realized that I was moving closer and closer to Edward. He was deep in conversation with a tall dark haired guy and a shorter older blond man. They were laughing. I was going to throw up.

"Excuse me gentleman. Derek, this is Miss Swan. The dancer you wanted to meet." I forced a smile and shook his hand. I couldn't look at Edward because I needed to keep up my oxygen flow. Passing out would not be very impressive. Derek lifted his hand to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on the back of my hand.

"You were absolutely exquisite tonight. And you look absolutely stunning." he was older but charming. I was used to older guys trying to put the moves on me, but he just seemed happy and genuine. We stood there in silence for a minute. "Oh my. Let me introduce you to Emmett and Edward Cullen." he gestured to the two men next to him. Emmett looked at me and smirked. I was fairly certain he was imagining me naked and bent over in very flexible poses. I shook his hand then decided to grow a pair and looked Edward squarely in the eye. In that moment, I could have died. He looked somewhat shocked. _Apparently he didn't recognize me onstage._ We stood staring at each other for a moment. At some point I reached out my hand to shake his. He took it and there it was. That damn electricity. _Fuck._ I shook my head then decided to grow up.

"It's a pleasure to meet you both." I smiled and pulled my hand back. I stood talking to Derek for a few moments and the boys disappeared quickly. If I had thought about it, I would have been more aware of the fact Emmett nearly dragged him away. I sighed and gave Derek my information for auditioning for the film then headed to the door. I caught Alice's eye and tugged my ear.


End file.
